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Final - New Zealand v Australia (29th March)
- Thread starter Prince EWS
- Start date
Flem274*
123/5
Here is how the final is going to go.
McCullum will lose the toss and Australia will bat first. After the first ball yorker from Boult sends the stumps of David Warner flying, halba reports to the crap innings thread and Finch and the puppy settle in to battle against Southee and Boult. Much to the annoyance of both New Zealand and Australian fans, Finch begins compiling a reasonable total. Southee hits the pads of Smith and New Zealand review, but since Smith bats on 20th stump it remains not out. Michael Slater and Brett Lee inform the audience only Steve "second best ODI batsman in the world after Imzamam ul de Villiers" Smith could bat so far outside off stump and not lose track of where his poles are at the MCG. Viriya declares that if Australia see off the initial Boult spell, New Zealand are ****ed.
Bowling changes are made and Matt Henry comes on to begin the battle of the most boring names in world cricket with Steve Smith. The puppy plays and misses many times trying to whip Henry's outswingers through mid-wicket, but staunchly defends the one that comes back in. He pulls the short balls nicely, but neither boring name can dominate the other. Through all of this Dan posts about how torn and angsty he is over who he wants to see win between the two because he is a two timing ****. At the other end Aaron Finch is finally bowled through the gate by Daniel Vettori for 57 (89) to the cheers of Cricket Web.net. Halba again reports to the crap innings thread.
Clarke and Smith build a partnership and the mass Gambhiring commences. Notable exceptions are Athlai, Howsie (who declares Southee will remove Clarke) and Burgey (who is ecstatic at how well Australia are doing against the New Zealand Invincibles). Australia reach 140/2 without incident before Southee gets Clarke caught at slip by Taylor, and Howsie digs his own taste thread and gives us hell while conveniently ignoring his luggage.
Twatto enters, and the world fervently hopes he has the decency to go away. Because he is one of the worst cricketers in the world, he does not. In uncharacteristic fashion, the harder Furball posts the more he digs in. He edges behind early but Ronchi drops it. A flurry of furious but witty comments from the New Zealanders' and trolls, jokes and relief from the Aussies flood the match thread. Zorax and Bee Gee likes fly freer than bras in a brothel.
As the slog begins, Watson is finally caught at short cover by Williamson from the bowling of Anderson for his 50 and Smith departs for 90 after Trent Boult swings one back in behind his legs to hit the stumps. It is the ball of the century. As the Aussies wail Hurricane gets his own back by noting deficiencies in Smith's technique.
The Big Show enters, but New Zealand struggles to see him in the vast expanse of the MCG. He is joined by debutant Forkers Faulkner and the icing v jam battle commences after Boult and Vettori finish their ten. The duo get hold of Henry early much to the fury of the New Zealand fans but then get smeared in the gooey gooey jam of the Candy Cannon. Just as it looks like The Big Show is set to ruin cricket by putting Australia out of reach he skies an Anderson bouncer and 12th man Kyle Mills takes the catch, making Howsie very nervous about his Kyle Mills call. Viriya posts a link to cricmate naming Anderson the #1 bowler in the world. Southee returns to clean up the tail and Haddin and Johnson get a few swipes away between plays and misses to close the innings. Haddin is bowled by a Southee yorker.
Australia 280/8.
New Zealand begin what will turn out to be a very strange chase. McCullum comes out to bat without a helmet and charges Starc first ball and puts him out of the ground over cover point. The captain blazes away for ten balls before being bowled by a 150kph yorker for 30. Big Daddy Kane and Guptill tick along before Kane perishes for 60 hit wicket laughing at Watson. Ross Taylor enters and is 0* from 20 balls before taking a single at the end of the over. Guptill also re-enters Block-till mode and Blocky's secret multi becomes more brazen. Australian commentators and casual fans think Australia has all but won, and so do some so called loyal Taylor fans. After the single and a glass of red between overs Taylor transforms into 2012 Colombo test Taylor. Guptill and Taylor bring the game relatively under control without a single lofted shot except for a few head down bat up Guptill straight drives. During this period Mark Nicholas makes some comment about NZ being not superstars and the tour thread goes on an angsty "please give us acknowledgement oh great one Mark Nicholas because your opinion is secretly important to us" tangent.
After 47 overs New Zealand are 240/2 and look set. Semi-disaster strikes. Guptill and Taylor depart after being bowled by Johnson, the latter for 120. NZ have wickets in hand but need 40 from 3 overs. The Candy Cannon loses many balls going aerial because they get lost in the grassy plains of the MCG. New Zealand get the equation to 12 from the last over before Starc goes bang bang. Dan and Ronchi enter the fray with 12 needed from 4. The match thread loses all grip it had with Gambhiring, trolling, panic and blind faith. Athlai finally cracks, Flem posts bitterly yet with a tinge of victory about death bowling in the modern game, spark runs out of synonyms for strange and straw man offers the arguments about eden park boundaries as a final desperate offering to the straw gods. I don't know what spikey posts but it's probably either a gif or Brad McNamara. Burgey is beside himself with joy at the little Aussie triers being on the brink of a historic victory against mighty New Zealand.
Ronchi hits a six then takes a single. 5 needed from 2. Dan on strike. Australia stack the areas behind square. Dan slog sweeps wildly. Maxwell is underneath it, only he's making the same strangled gurgles he made at Eden Park. This time they're real. Maxwell turns blue and faints. Four runs. Starc bowls again. Dan makes room. Perfect yorker goes through the stacked backward point region for four. New Zealand win.
In the aftermath, experts discuss the Australian choke and their perplexion at perfect yorkers not doing the business. New Zealanders' still get furious at their lack of acknowledgement.
Mark Nicholas is the true winner on the day.
McCullum will lose the toss and Australia will bat first. After the first ball yorker from Boult sends the stumps of David Warner flying, halba reports to the crap innings thread and Finch and the puppy settle in to battle against Southee and Boult. Much to the annoyance of both New Zealand and Australian fans, Finch begins compiling a reasonable total. Southee hits the pads of Smith and New Zealand review, but since Smith bats on 20th stump it remains not out. Michael Slater and Brett Lee inform the audience only Steve "second best ODI batsman in the world after Imzamam ul de Villiers" Smith could bat so far outside off stump and not lose track of where his poles are at the MCG. Viriya declares that if Australia see off the initial Boult spell, New Zealand are ****ed.
Bowling changes are made and Matt Henry comes on to begin the battle of the most boring names in world cricket with Steve Smith. The puppy plays and misses many times trying to whip Henry's outswingers through mid-wicket, but staunchly defends the one that comes back in. He pulls the short balls nicely, but neither boring name can dominate the other. Through all of this Dan posts about how torn and angsty he is over who he wants to see win between the two because he is a two timing ****. At the other end Aaron Finch is finally bowled through the gate by Daniel Vettori for 57 (89) to the cheers of Cricket Web.net. Halba again reports to the crap innings thread.
Clarke and Smith build a partnership and the mass Gambhiring commences. Notable exceptions are Athlai, Howsie (who declares Southee will remove Clarke) and Burgey (who is ecstatic at how well Australia are doing against the New Zealand Invincibles). Australia reach 140/2 without incident before Southee gets Clarke caught at slip by Taylor, and Howsie digs his own taste thread and gives us hell while conveniently ignoring his luggage.
Twatto enters, and the world fervently hopes he has the decency to go away. Because he is one of the worst cricketers in the world, he does not. In uncharacteristic fashion, the harder Furball posts the more he digs in. He edges behind early but Ronchi drops it. A flurry of furious but witty comments from the New Zealanders' and trolls, jokes and relief from the Aussies flood the match thread. Zorax and Bee Gee likes fly freer than bras in a brothel.
As the slog begins, Watson is finally caught at short cover by Williamson from the bowling of Anderson for his 50 and Smith departs for 90 after Trent Boult swings one back in behind his legs to hit the stumps. It is the ball of the century. As the Aussies wail Hurricane gets his own back by noting deficiencies in Smith's technique.
The Big Show enters, but New Zealand struggles to see him in the vast expanse of the MCG. He is joined by debutant Forkers Faulkner and the icing v jam battle commences after Boult and Vettori finish their ten. The duo get hold of Henry early much to the fury of the New Zealand fans but then get smeared in the gooey gooey jam of the Candy Cannon. Just as it looks like The Big Show is set to ruin cricket by putting Australia out of reach he skies an Anderson bouncer and 12th man Kyle Mills takes the catch, making Howsie very nervous about his Kyle Mills call. Viriya posts a link to cricmate naming Anderson the #1 bowler in the world. Southee returns to clean up the tail and Haddin and Johnson get a few swipes away between plays and misses to close the innings. Haddin is bowled by a Southee yorker.
Australia 280/8.
New Zealand begin what will turn out to be a very strange chase. McCullum comes out to bat without a helmet and charges Starc first ball and puts him out of the ground over cover point. The captain blazes away for ten balls before being bowled by a 150kph yorker for 30. Big Daddy Kane and Guptill tick along before Kane perishes for 60 hit wicket laughing at Watson. Ross Taylor enters and is 0* from 20 balls before taking a single at the end of the over. Guptill also re-enters Block-till mode and Blocky's secret multi becomes more brazen. Australian commentators and casual fans think Australia has all but won, and so do some so called loyal Taylor fans. After the single and a glass of red between overs Taylor transforms into 2012 Colombo test Taylor. Guptill and Taylor bring the game relatively under control without a single lofted shot except for a few head down bat up Guptill straight drives. During this period Mark Nicholas makes some comment about NZ being not superstars and the tour thread goes on an angsty "please give us acknowledgement oh great one Mark Nicholas because your opinion is secretly important to us" tangent.
After 47 overs New Zealand are 240/2 and look set. Semi-disaster strikes. Guptill and Taylor depart after being bowled by Johnson, the latter for 120. NZ have wickets in hand but need 40 from 3 overs. The Candy Cannon loses many balls going aerial because they get lost in the grassy plains of the MCG. New Zealand get the equation to 12 from the last over before Starc goes bang bang. Dan and Ronchi enter the fray with 12 needed from 4. The match thread loses all grip it had with Gambhiring, trolling, panic and blind faith. Athlai finally cracks, Flem posts bitterly yet with a tinge of victory about death bowling in the modern game, spark runs out of synonyms for strange and straw man offers the arguments about eden park boundaries as a final desperate offering to the straw gods. I don't know what spikey posts but it's probably either a gif or Brad McNamara. Burgey is beside himself with joy at the little Aussie triers being on the brink of a historic victory against mighty New Zealand.
Ronchi hits a six then takes a single. 5 needed from 2. Dan on strike. Australia stack the areas behind square. Dan slog sweeps wildly. Maxwell is underneath it, only he's making the same strangled gurgles he made at Eden Park. This time they're real. Maxwell turns blue and faints. Four runs. Starc bowls again. Dan makes room. Perfect yorker goes through the stacked backward point region for four. New Zealand win.
In the aftermath, experts discuss the Australian choke and their perplexion at perfect yorkers not doing the business. New Zealanders' still get furious at their lack of acknowledgement.
Mark Nicholas is the true winner on the day.
Last edited:
TNT
Banned
No Australia will win but because they were so heavily backed you only get $250 back.
Athlai
Not Terrible
A guide to who the **** and what the **** Kiwi fans are talking about:
Martin Guptill
Guppy, Marty Two Toes
Fun fact: Most foreign commentators pronounce Guptill similar to how you'd pronounce the Indian name Gupta. This is not how you pronounce Guptill
Brendon McCullum
Baz, Bazza, Macca
Fun fact: Is going into the MCG with a batting plan scrawled in crayon that says "smash it".
Kane Williamson
Big Daddy Kane, Steady the Ship Williamson, KW
Fun fact: Was reportedly born with a cricket bat in his hand. Later more accurate reports described it as a pretty solid grip on his umbilical cord.
Ross Taylor
Rossco, Pallekele Plunderer
Fun fact: Who the **** calls him the Pallekele Plunderer???
Grant Elliott
Magic, the Hairy Javelin
Fun fact: The top nickname google gave me was 'Shunt'.
Corey Anderson
Mills and Boon
Fun fact: Is quite literally the exact image of a fireman fantasy. Swoon.
Luke Ronchi
Donkey, Wonky, Wonky Donkey
Fun fact: Rhyming is fun
Daniel Vettori
Dan, Dan the Man, Harry Potter
Fun fact: Doesn't need to wear glasses, but was desperate to give the batsman any sort of distraction to realise he doesn't turn the ball.
Tim Southee
6outhee, Tim, Smashthee, Pest
Fun fact: Has won more sexiest sportsman awards than Mohammad Shami.
Matt Henry
Sexual chocolate
Fun fact: Thats another M Henry, but lets claim it anyway.
Trent Boult
Boulty
Fun fact: Boulty? Seriously? 20 likes to the man who gets a good one to stick.
Kyle Mills
Ol' Man River, Millsy
Fun fact: He jes'keeps rollin' He keeps on rollin' along.
Mitchell McClenaghan
McClenenenenenen, Mitch the Bitch, Paleo King
Fun fact: Known on CW for spraying Phlegm almost as viciously as he sprays it around with a cricket ball
Tom Latham
Tommy, Carmen Sandiego
Fun fact: Is romantically tied to fashionable youngster Hendrix.
Nathan McCullum
NcCullum, Mad Eye, Komodo
Fun fact: Was mysteriously not quite as ecstatic as most New Zealanders at Daniel Vettori's spectacular return. Has been promised a more lucrative role in season 4 of Arrow.
Adam Milne
Milney, Pocket Rocket, the World's Fastest Garvin Larsen
Fun fact: Is too young to know who Garvin Larsen is.
Martin Guptill
Guppy, Marty Two Toes
Fun fact: Most foreign commentators pronounce Guptill similar to how you'd pronounce the Indian name Gupta. This is not how you pronounce Guptill
Brendon McCullum
Baz, Bazza, Macca
Fun fact: Is going into the MCG with a batting plan scrawled in crayon that says "smash it".
Kane Williamson
Big Daddy Kane, Steady the Ship Williamson, KW
Fun fact: Was reportedly born with a cricket bat in his hand. Later more accurate reports described it as a pretty solid grip on his umbilical cord.
Ross Taylor
Rossco, Pallekele Plunderer
Fun fact: Who the **** calls him the Pallekele Plunderer???
Grant Elliott
Magic, the Hairy Javelin
Fun fact: The top nickname google gave me was 'Shunt'.
Corey Anderson
Mills and Boon
Fun fact: Is quite literally the exact image of a fireman fantasy. Swoon.
Luke Ronchi
Donkey, Wonky, Wonky Donkey
Fun fact: Rhyming is fun
Daniel Vettori
Dan, Dan the Man, Harry Potter
Fun fact: Doesn't need to wear glasses, but was desperate to give the batsman any sort of distraction to realise he doesn't turn the ball.
Tim Southee
6outhee, Tim, Smashthee, Pest
Fun fact: Has won more sexiest sportsman awards than Mohammad Shami.
Matt Henry
Sexual chocolate
Fun fact: Thats another M Henry, but lets claim it anyway.
Trent Boult
Boulty
Fun fact: Boulty? Seriously? 20 likes to the man who gets a good one to stick.
Kyle Mills
Ol' Man River, Millsy
Fun fact: He jes'keeps rollin' He keeps on rollin' along.
Mitchell McClenaghan
McClenenenenenen, Mitch the Bitch, Paleo King
Fun fact: Known on CW for spraying Phlegm almost as viciously as he sprays it around with a cricket ball
Tom Latham
Tommy, Carmen Sandiego
Fun fact: Is romantically tied to fashionable youngster Hendrix.
Nathan McCullum
NcCullum, Mad Eye, Komodo
Fun fact: Was mysteriously not quite as ecstatic as most New Zealanders at Daniel Vettori's spectacular return. Has been promised a more lucrative role in season 4 of Arrow.
Adam Milne
Milney, Pocket Rocket, the World's Fastest Garvin Larsen
Fun fact: Is too young to know who Garvin Larsen is.
Last edited:
Athlai
Not Terrible
Should just post the CW reactions and let us guess whats happening in the game. Loved the Finch bit.
Adders
Well-known member
They are talking about others ****s.........what more do you need to know?
kiwiviktor81
Well-known member
TNT
Banned
Don't be stupid, that's just putting a "o" on the end of everyones name.
Greenlite
Well-known member
BMac for Baz
Boult - Howsie's SUnday dessert or WATHA (Where Are The Haters At)
NcCullum - Hahaha, I thought Baz looks more like Arrow (Stephen Amell) and Nathan can join The Flash as FIRESTORM (the other Amell)
Last edited:
AndyZaltzHair
Well-known member
halba reporting to the crap innings thread is brilliant 
Bushranger
Well-known member
All these people talking bout the ground size making a difference are just being stupid, don't think Imo it will be the size of the boundaries but the pitch the crowd and the fact new zealand havnt played in Australia will be the reason nz lose
kiwiviktor81
Well-known member
Australia being a better side might also play a role.
