Spanking children

[Slow Love™]

There's a special on one of the morning shows about spanking of children - whether it's acceptable for a parent to spank their child, and what with (in terms of whether to set limits of hands only, or wooden spoons, rods, hairbrushes, etc).

This is one of those issues where change has come incredibly fast. I was spanked as a child, and up to ten years ago, there wasn't that much controversy about it. However, since that time, it has quickly become less acceptable to spank children - particularly using aids to this other than the hands.

We don't spank our son (and won't be) - my wife was overly disciplined physically as a child, and was dead against it. At the beginnings you have very little controls, but now, as he's approaching 20 months of age, he is responding pretty well to "NO", and though he's hardly an angel, I don't feel like we've been impeded much by not spanking. Of course, there are still a lot of years to go...

I'm not sure what I think of other parents spanking their children - my mother spanked my brothers and I repeatedly while we grew up, and my father never did, although when he lost his temper, you obeyed. My step-father used a wooden spoon (and in fact, broke it on us several times, the punishment for which was more cracks on the a$$ ). I have no tolerance for this as a parent, but I don't think I object enormously to parents smacking their kid on the butt (I don't consider it appropriate to strike your child anywhere else, really) with their hand if they're really misbehaving, providing it doesn't get out of control.

What are people's opinions on this?

 

[twctopcat]

I agree with it in moderation of course. I got it a fair bit when i was young from mother but had an overriding fear from my father but it wasn't caused by an act of violence from him. I think it was the threatening of something i wasn't aware of which kept me in line. Hitting kids too often will either hurt or just dull them so it isn't a particularly effective method of control. I will prob use it some form, hopefully the fear tactic will work.

 

[FaaipDeOiad]

There is a difference with spanking between using fear and anger to discipline children, and actual physical pain. Smacking your kid on the **** when they misbehave as a warning to change their behaviour is one thing, and while I wouldn't do it myself I don't think it should be against the law or anything, but if you are disciplining your children with actual pain then you aren't fit to raise them as far as I'm concerned. My parents never laid a finger on me and I was, at least so far as I've always been told, always pretty well behaved. The one relative I know who's preferred method of discipline was repeated blows to the face with a belt though... well one of his kids is in jail and the other has had serious mental and behavioural problems all his life. Hard to say whether the violence is at fault, but I sure as hell don't think it helped.

 

[C_C]

This is a very very interesting question.
I got spanked when i was a kid - the standard rubber sandal across my hiney routine. ( ofcourse, girls should not be spanked on their hineys - it can flip their uterus)
Nowadays, its illegal to spank your child and its good in one aspect that it protects childrens in those alcoholic homes where the dad comes home flaming drunk and puts on the brass knuckles. But absolutely no spanking ? I am not sure how you are supposed to install a sense of discipline in your kids if you arnt allowed to spank em.
I mean, what do you do if they just flat out say 'NO' and refuse to obey your command ? Like 'Jack, go to bed' ' NO'. 'Jack you are grounded ' 'No i am not. i am going out. Bye'.

 

[archie mac]

Okay the Archie Mac method for training kids

9 mths to 4 (move up a step until bad behaviour stops)

step 1 uh uh
step 2 smack on bum
step 3 smack on hand (quite hard)

4 till 10

step 1 told what they are doing wrong and warned
step 2 sent to their room (not to come out until they apologise)

11 till 18

step 1 told what they are doning wrong and warned
step 2 removal of privileges

My eldest is 12 so has just started the 11 till 18, he is a very well behaved child. I have one who has just turned 4 and one who is 18 mths. I have smacked the 18 mth on the hand maybe 3 times and not for at least six months. I don't know if this is the way to go, but my sister decided not to smack her kids and has had nothing but trouble so far. She has now introduced smacking (her eldest is now 7) but is making things worse.

 

[marc71178]

Nowadays, its illegal to spank your child and its good in one aspect that it protects childrens in those alcoholic homes where the dad comes home flaming drunk and puts on the brass knuckles.

But does it stop such a thing happening?

 

[Anil]

There is a difference with spanking between using fear and anger to discipline children, and actual physical pain. Smacking your kid on the **** when they misbehave as a warning to change their behaviour is one thing, and while I wouldn't do it myself I don't think it should be against the law or anything, but if you are disciplining your children with actual pain then you aren't fit to raise them as far as I'm concerned. My parents never laid a finger on me and I was, at least so far as I've always been told, always pretty well behaved. The one relative I know who's preferred method of discipline was repeated blows to the face with a belt though... well one of his kids is in jail and the other has had serious mental and behavioural problems all his life. Hard to say whether the violence is at fault, but I sure as hell don't think it helped.

my parents (mostly my mother) used to spank me and my sister when we were naughty as kids....yet it was strictly a disciplinary technique, there was absolutely no abuse involved and we were given all the love and encouragement we could hope for as growing children and we are better human beings for it...so spanking as such whether it causes a little pain or not isn't as universally despicable as you seem to think....the point is that this needs to be taken in the proper perspective and decided on a case-by-case basis and actual cases of abuse should be punished rather than blanket punishment for anyone who has done the dictionary equivalent of spanking...kids are actually taking advantage of the current scenario in the advanced societies and threatening their parents with a 911 call at the slightest provocation...in the u.s, the kid, the next door neighbour, the school teacher, in fact any tom, **** and harry can get a parent arrested based on such charges...and i think this sort of "protection" has taken this situation to the other extreme and while actual abuse cases are revealed, there are also cases getting pushed into this category that really don't warrant any interference from outsiders...

 

[Shounak]

My mum was a child protection practitioner who removed children from their houses, so I've heard heaps of horror stories about "spanking" children.. Where do people draw the line? My friend got booted up the a*se with his dad's blundstone when he got a bad report. Another person I know got the old belt..

There will always be extreme cases but I think the best thing is to ban it all together. It would probably reduce the incidence of domestic abuse, ie people taking it too far. Because at the end of the day, what is too far?

If you got the whip or cane as children, you'd think it's pretty ok to do it to yours. I never received any of that and I think it's grossly unacceptable. So it should just be banned or defined VERY VERY clearly..

 

[Anil]

My mum was a child protection practitioner who removed children from their houses, so I've heard heaps of horror stories about "spanking" children.. Where do people draw the line? My friend got booted up the a*se with his dad's blundstone when he got a bad report. Another person I know got the old belt..

There will always be extreme cases but I think the best thing is to ban it all together. It would probably reduce the incidence of domestic abuse, ie people taking it too far. Because at the end of the day, what is too far?

If you got the whip or cane as children, you'd think it's pretty ok to do it to yours. I never received any of that and I think it's grossly unacceptable. So it should just be banned or defined VERY VERY clearly..

what is too far? these examples you have mentioned are cases of actual abuse....not everything falls into that category...

 

[Shounak]

what is too far? these examples you have mentioned are cases of actual abuse....not everything falls into that category...

I understand that. What I'm saying is that their parents would say, I'm just disciplning my children, nothing more.

The letter of the law should prohibit the use of any other object then the hand. And the law should unequivocally state exactly what kind of spanking is allowed.. Otherwise people like above, will just take it too far..

The other solution is to ban it all together. I know it won't stop it. But it's similar to drugs. Banning it all together might reduce its use, but people who really want to get hold of them, will..

 

[BoyBrumby]

I wasn't beaten as a child once, but my father (6' 4" & 15 stone) had a natural air of authority. If he said no, he meant it & I was never sufficiently tempted to cross the line to find out what he'd do.

I'm instinctively anti, but ultimately I think it should be down to the individual parents to decide within reason. I would say any punishment that involves anything other than a hand would be unacceptable & into the realms of abuse.

 

[barmyarmy]

As someone involved in youthwork I sometimes feel that some of our kids could benefit from a good whacking but then I realise that actually that's probably exactly what their parents are doing to discipline them and it isn't working.
As a childcare worker I am dead against spanking; as a libertarian I believe parents shouldn't be banned from applying loving discipline. I will choose not to spank my kids but I don't believe in forcing others to do the same.

 

[Anil]

I understand that. What I'm saying is that their parents would say, I'm just disciplning my children, nothing more.

The letter of the law should prohibit the use of any other object then the hand. And the law should unequivocally state exactly what kind of spanking is allowed.. Otherwise people like above, will just take it too far..

The other solution is to ban it all together. I know it won't stop it. But it's similar to drugs. Banning it all together might reduce its use, but people who really want to get hold of them, will..

oh i agree to that....

 

[aussie]

my mum doesn't waste time when i do something wrong off goes the belt Blaooooooooooooooowhhhh but now that i'm older she treatends to slap but i'm extremely rebellious so she cant hit me. My Father has never hit me thoughhe just treatends but i reckon if he was a black man he would beat me.

But i'm a christian and i'm sure many have heard the phrase ``spare the rod n spoil the child``, so if the bible said kids should be beaten i say it write.....

 

[Shounak]

so if the bible said kids should be beaten i say it write.....

If the bible says x,y and z, even if it doesn't sit well with me, "I say it write".. That's a dangerous attitude IMO..

 

[steds]

Imo, smacking a kid isn't a bad thing. There's a huge difference between a crack and the abuse you're all talking about. And I'm wary that people are going to the other extreme. My Auntie and uncle have spoiled their daughters shitless and the eldest (5 years old) is the worst behaved little oik I have ever seen. I've lived on stereotypical council estates, I've been in houses where of kids who's parents a druggies and seen them, we've all seen the kicking and screaming toddlers being dragged around supermarkets, etc. etc. but I've never seen a worse behaved child than that spoilt little ****. She needs a good smacking but neither of her parents would ever do that. They believe in "negotiating"...so they give her whatever she wants if she promises to be good and after an hour and a half she's back to being herself again. That's not right. Why reward someone for being nasty?

 

[aussie]

If the bible says x,y and z, even if it doesn't sit well with me, "I say it write".. That's a dangerous attitude IMO..

nah i'm a strong christain believer even though i may not act it and i most things that the bible says that i have follwed have occured in life, plus i got my mum as a example so i have enough reason to stick with whatever the bible says.....

 

[steds]

``spare the rod n spoil the child``

I'm inclined to agree

 

[Scaly piscine]

My eldest is 12 so has just started the 11 till 18, he is a very well behaved child. I have one who has just turned 4 and one who is 18 mths. I have smacked the 18 mth on the hand maybe 3 times and not for at least six months. I don't know if this is the way to go, but my sister decided not to smack her kids and has had nothing but trouble so far. She has now introduced smacking (her eldest is now 7) but is making things worse.

So you smacked a sprog (on the hand) that was less than a year old? Seems completely pointless to me.

 

[FaaipDeOiad]

A key point here is that while we are all distinguishing between "abuse" and "discipline", many parents differ on where that line is. That's why I said the distinction for me is between whether you are simply exerting your authority or relying on pain to discipline your children. Once you are actually seriously hurting them, it's abusive as far as I'm concerned, regardless of the intent.