Monogamy

[Uppercut]

You'll get a skewed response here, because people in happy, monogamous relationships can almost never be bothered to talk about it.

 

[hendrix]

Yeah, wouldn't set much store by this. Don't know much about this area tbh. Have been a serial monogamist forever, sadly.

The only experience I've had approaching polygamy is when I've been dating/sleeping with 2-3 different women. Now usually that does automatically involve some degree of emotion, too, but I've never been bf-gf with these women. I do wonder whether that might eventually naturally lead to a polygamous relationship some point in the future.

 

[harsh.ag]

Also, as mentioned previously, the idea that someone may leave you in the future is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes relationships run their course. Sometimes she may leave you for someone "better", in which case, good for her.

This is something that bothers people so much. I mean I get why it bothers them. Have had girls say this to me as well "Will find someone better than you if you don't <insert some demand, behavourial or specific>". Have only ever had the response along the lines of "Why aren't you already finding and being with that person right now?"

 

[Top_Cat]

You'll get a skewed response here, because people in happy, monogamous relationships can almost never be bothered to talk about it.

tbh, being open became annoying to talk about after a while. Just used to start arguments so was easier to just have a cover story.

 

[hendrix]

This is something that bothers people so much. I mean I get why it bothers them. Have had girls say this to me as well "Will find someone better than you if you don't <insert some demand, behavourial or specific>". Have only ever had the response along the lines of "Why aren't you already finding and being with that person right now?"

yeah, it's a ****ed up line of reasoning and again ties into that controlling behaviour.

I'm not going to lie and pretend it wouldn't hurt or be a blow to the ego...still though, I've noticed that when women do this it is quite unattractive, and when I take the attitude you've described, women tend to respond well to that.

 

[vcs]

haha.

I know it's a joke, but I do wonder to what degree the monogamy ideal is perpetuated by people who aren't attractive enough to frequently attract sexual partners...basically monogamy better serves some people than it does others.

I know I'm completely average, but it's kind of mean to point it out.

 

[Top_Cat]

Dunno, having difficulty getting to the "mono" part.

IS there such a thing as "zerogamy"?

Incel?

 

[hendrix]

You'll get a skewed response here, because people in happy, monogamous relationships can almost never be bothered to talk about it.

I mean, my parents have been happily married for 40 years so it can definitely work.

I'm just talking as a general societal philosophy. Did all these people getting divorces really just marry the wrong person? Or maybe there's something about the set up that just doesn't work for everyone. Maybe we should all try to get a bit more comfortable with that and change our expectations.

 

[Mike5181]

I mean, if you find a better partner than the one you currently have, I don't see why it's wrong to upgrade (harsh word to use I know), whether it's a monogamous or polygamous relationship. Of course that's going to end in tears, but the alternative is that you...don't allow a partner to leave you??? ummm...

Better at one thing =/= better relationship material. One chic might be a bit off but great in bed. Not relationship material but the *** is better than my gf. Since I'm in an open relationship that's where I go for *** now. A third girl enters the fray. She's a better listener than the other two but again has certain problems that lead her to being a worse option for a gf than the current one. That's really my point. If you're giving key parts of what makes a successful relationship away to outside parties, how deep is the connection with your current partner going to be at the end?

 

[flibbertyjibber]

Depends if she has big tits.

 

[hendrix]

Better at one thing =/= better relationship material. One chic might be a bit off but great in bed. Not relationship material but the *** is better than my gf. Since I'm in an open relationship that's where I go for *** now. A third girl enters the fray. She's a better listener than the other two but again has certain problems that lead her to being a worse option for a gf than the current one. That's really my point. If you're giving key parts of what makes a successful relationship away to outside parties, how deep is the connection with your current partner going to be at the end?

Well, I might sleep with with one person who there's more sexual chemistry than the other. But I might get other things from the other relationship. Now, I don't have to make the first girl my main partner, do I? I can get different things from different people.

 

[Top_Cat]

Consider the alternative; is it fair to expect one person to satisfy all your current and future wants/needs/desires? I'm not just talking about sexual ones either. Isn't the source of most relationship angst the pressure from mis-matched needs?

 

[GotSpin]

Yeah, I've been thinking about the last thing a wee bit.

I don't know if the concept of "broken family" really applies to two people who choose to have children together but freely and happily consent to the idea that they probably won't "be together forever" and that they probably won't live together and will probably be in various different relationships in the future.

I don't see how that would negatively affect children, from an objective standpoint.

I'm no expert on the matter, but I work at a primary school with children and I've seen first hand the problems that can arise from separated parents when it comes to raising children.

I don't want to offend anyone on here nor suggest this is a blanket rule, but I've seen many problems arise when parents don't present a 'united' or 'joint' front when it comes to parenting. This becomes particularly apparent when a behavioural issue is at hand and the parents, who may not get along at all or even communicate properly anymore, don't have a unified approach to addressing the issue(s)

 

[Uppercut]

I mean, my parents have been happily married for 40 years so it can definitely work.

I'm just talking as a general societal philosophy. Did all these people getting divorces really just marry the wrong person? Or maybe there's something about the set up that just doesn't work for everyone. Maybe we should all try to get a bit more comfortable with that and change our expectations.

I think the general societal philosophy doesn't come from the fact that everyone is really happy with it. Just that it seems to work well for kids.

 

[fredfertang]

I have never had much success with any sort of 'ogamy', not that I've tried many I hasten to add

 

[Top_Cat]

Zorax likes this twice as hard as anyone else.

 

[zorax]

I suuport three cricket teams so I think my views on this are pretty clear

 

[Magrat Garlick]

I'm no expert on the matter, but I work at a primary school with children and I've seen first hand the problems that can arise from separated parents when it comes to raising children.

I don't want to offend anyone on here nor suggest this is a blanket rule, but I've seen many problems arise when parents don't present a 'united' or 'joint' front when it comes to parenting. This becomes particularly apparent when a behavioural issue is at hand and the parents, who may not get along at all or even communicate properly anymore, don't have a unified approach to addressing the issue(s)

This is true, but the flip side of this is that you keep quiet about problems. Family relationships can look happy and monogamous from the outside but in actual fact it's a facade to paper over real problems that no one in the family wants to address.

What I'm trying to say is, if people have split up, the relationship would probably be toxic and parenting not ideal even if they decided to stay monogamous.

 

[harsh.ag]

I suuport three cricket teams so I think my views on this are pretty clear

Do they know about each other?

 

[Adders]

I've been married close to 20 years...........one woman is enough ****ing headaches, why the **** would I want to to have more headaches??