Lexophiles

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Lexophiles love words and, in particular, a play on words.

Here are a couple of examples:

"You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish"

"To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

Give it your best shot!

 

[Neptune]

Stupid penises love fat ******s.

 

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"This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore."

 

[Red_Ink_Squid]

A good pun is always wasted on kleptomaniacs, since they take everything literally.

 

[harsh.ag]

I endorse podiums. That's a product I can stand behind.

 

[BoyBrumby]

I'm the youngest of three in my family. My parents are both older.

When I was single I used to love blind dates. You can stare at their boobs.

& I think women who say size doesn't matter are shallow.

 

[SillyCowCorner1]

Peanut-- a has been bean.

 

[Line and Length]

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

 

[RossTaylorsBox]

Sneeds Feed and Seed
Formerly Chuck's

 

[trundler]

Doing a meeting for erectile dysfunction tomorrow. It's ok if you can't come.

 

[RossTaylorsBox]

Doing a meeting for erectile dysfunction tomorrow. It's ok if you can't come.

I'm sure you can show us the ropes.

 

[nightprowler10]

I'd c&p the longest joke in the world here but then I'd have to infract myself.

 

[Daemon]

Lexophiles: Paedophiles but words instead of kids

 

[trundler]

Not sure if this goes here or in the gaffes thread.

So one time this guy in my class posted a cute picture of his younger brother on Instagram, which was taken a screenshot of and posted affectionately by this other girl. Bit weird to do that but I'm sure it was done with wholesome intentions. Oh and she captioned it with "guess I'm a pedophile".

She did not know the meaning of that word.

 

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England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

 

[Red_Ink_Squid]

"I've developed a split personality." said Graeme, being frank.

 

[SillyCowCorner1]

"I've taken down some notes," noted Emanuel.

 

[SillyCowCorner1]

He was really milking the opportunity when he milked that cow. It was her first time calving.

 

[trundler]

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

He woke up, it's okay.

 

[andruid]

I'd throw in a few unemployment jokes, but none of them work.