Lexophiles

[Line and Length]

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

 

[Neptune]

A will is a dead giveaway

 

[vcs]

My girlfriend left me, saying that I was obsessed with algebra.

She's now my x

 

[vcs]

My boss called me utterly average at my job.

I thought that was a bit mean

 

[Red_Ink_Squid]

I asked my cousin what the hell a globe was, but she didn't know either. It's a small world.

 

[SillyCowCorner1]

I had to duck under the bridge to avoid the duck attacking me.

 

[BoyBrumby]

I caught my wife giving a blow job to a midget.

I didn't know she could stoop so low...

 

[trundler]

A psychic midget broke out of prison.

Small medium at large.

 

[Line and Length]

A psychic told me I would die a horrible death then burst out laughing.

I struck a happy medium.

 

[Red_Ink_Squid]

My wife asked me to stop talking in numbers but I didn't 1 2

 

[SillyCowCorner1]

My love for wanton weigh about one ton.

 

[BoyBrumby]

My wife has a rampant rabbit vibrator.

I don't know if it's her favourite $ex toy, but it's right up there.

 

[Lillian Thomson]

I used to have a secret longing to blow up the Houses of Parliament, but now I'm just an ordinary guy.

 

[Red_Ink_Squid]

I set up a high-voltage electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.

 

[Bijed]

I set up a high-voltage electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.

Did they end up being deat against it shortly after being on the fence about it?

 

[BoyBrumby]

I stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

 

[SillyCowCorner1]

Mister mister.

 

[BoyBrumby]

I nearly lost my job as a roofer on the first day when I was caught wanking.

Luckily the boss said I could wipe the slate clean.

 

[Victor Ian]

Two peanuts are walking down the street. One was assaulted

 

[Line and Length]

... and speaking of peanuts -

The last time I was in a bar the bowl of peanuts told me I looked intelligent. The barman told me they were complimentary.