Shite cooking thread

[zorax]

What I made this morning for breakfast...



grilled cheese sandwich, eggs...and an apple cut up....

poached eggs or double fried?

 

[vcs]

Remember everyone, zorax thinks if you buy a cup of hot fat with a hair in it from a street corner next to an open sewer, it somehow makes your consequential dose of salmonella edgy and cool.

I feel sorry for people who miss out on Indian street food just because it's terribly unhealthy and may contain lots of bodily fluids in it. Totally worth it.

 

[honestbharani]

If you are gonna catch a deadly virus by just commuting and showing up to work, its well worth the risk to get something less deadly by eating some of the tastiest food in the world.

 

[Burgey]

Personally looking forward to the day they get with the program and actually work you can have incredibly tasty food without galloping dysentery

 

[honestbharani]

We do. You probably don't. That is not our fault.

 

[zorax]

Personally looking forward to the day they get with the program and actually work you can have incredibly tasty food without galloping dysentery

don't blame our cuisine for your #WeakColons. Your genetic inferiority is your problem alone

 

[Burgey]

Lack of potable water and disgusting hygiene causing food poisoning is absolutely your fault. Fix it ffs

 

[Daemon]

Have it on good authority that pani puri stalls in india aren’t the same since the bhaiyyas started wearing masks

 

[SillyCowCorner1]

poached eggs or double fried?

They're fried.

 

[Burgey]

Tonight’s aperitif.

sideways. How I like it

 

[vcs]

GIMH has asked for a detailed recipe of the monstrosity that started this thread. As BOTM champion he has authority to command such things.

Ingredients:
6x Tesco Finest pork sausages, whichever flavouring is at the front
1x tin of haricot beans
1x red onion
1x tin chopped tomatoes
some oven chips
some oil
some balti paste

Method:

1) Preheat oven to the temperature you normally cook things at. Mine has a helpful 'click into place' mechanism that keeps it at 200 regardless of what temperature you actually want.

2) Place the sausages on your baking tray and put them in the oven. Wait about 10 minutes.

3) Chop the onion and heat some oil in a big saucepan. Put the onion in when you reckon the oil is hot enough to make a bit of noise. Put a wooden spoon in there so as you can stir when you find you've been cocking about on your phone for too long while you were supposed to be paying attention to the food.

4) Move the sausages to the front on the baking tray and use the space at the back for the chips. Try to avoid putting the chips directly into the sausage fat. You will fail at doing this. Put the pan back in the oven and open the tins.

5) The sausages need to come out after they've been in the pan for about 25 minutes. Before then the onions will probably be burning a bit, so take the pan repeatedly on and off the heat to stall for time.

6) Chop the sausages into 4 pieces each and add them to the pan to get them a bit browner. Once you're happy, throw in the beans and tomatoes and stir, once. Lower the heat 'a bit', because that often seems like a vaguely good idea when you're doing this.

7) Put in 4 big spoons of balti paste. Give it some therapy with the wooden spoon. By now the chips will be sticking to the pan nicely and have developed some black bits around the edge from the sausages. The fat residue on the pan will be burning, so open a window.

8) The chips will be done after they've been in for about 20 minutes. Put the chips onto a plate with about half the curry mixture. Put the rest in a bowl in the fridge for 'some other time'. Serve with lager. Dispel notions of shame by reminding yourself that you could have just had a frozen pizza but didn't.

These instructions are so good.

 

[zorax]

So today I cooked a french fry fried rice

Recipe as follows:

1) Garlic, ginger, scallion (spring onion) and coriander in peanut oil
2) throw in eggs
3) add in a couple of sauces, cook eggs through
4) throw in leftover french fries (and a pumpkin cutlet, in my case)
5) added in left over rice, and I had some leftover veggie stir fry so tossed that in too
6) taste and season as required
7) garnish with coriander and spring onion

Tastes starchy, as expected, but not bad

 

[zorax]

Kinda wish I had some pineapple to add in this tbh

 

[morgieb]

That honestly looks pretty damn good.

 

[Daemon]

i still see some white rice that's not coated in egg/oil. also french fries? wtf?

3.5/10

 

[zorax]

i still see some white rice that's not coated in egg/oil. also french fries? wtf?

3.5/10

I liked how the clumps of unseasoned rice offends you more than the use of french fries haha

I just CBF unclumping rice.

 

[andruid]

When I was there there was a pizza/kebab takeaway in Leeds called Flames. It got shut down because, rumor had it, someone found jizz in their pizza.

When I was a Leeds Uni student a decade ago I used to go to the Pakistani owned fast food joint next door for cheap chicken wings and Pepsi at 1 or 2 am in the morning whilst thinking I really should try Flames next time (which I never actually did). Seems I dodged a bullet

Anyway doesn't all cooking and up becoming Shite in the grand scheme of things?

 

[Howe_zat]

Please use this thread properly and not for pictures of acceptable looking food.

 

[Daemon]

I liked how the clumps of unseasoned rice offends you more than the use of french fries haha

I just CBF unclumping rice.

Let me teach you how to make indo fried rice

Stir fry a dollop of Sambal Oelek, tablespoon of Shrimp Paste, Garlic and a protein of choice.

Lower heat (important!!)

Add cooked rice and eggs, making sure eggs are evenly spread throughout (this is far easier on a wok)

mix thoroughly on low-medium heat.

done

now don't ever make french fry fried rice again you noob

 

[zorax]

Now I'm committed to the idea of french fry fried rice and will almost certainly make it again just to piss daemon off

Will make sure to make it taste as Singaporean as possible too